This day has been dreadful and for no reason. I don’t know how to explain it but I feel off and now I’m just feeling extremely defeated. If I thought I could sleep, I would.
I’m in a constant tug of war between wanting to be career oriented and wanting to be healthy and happy. I can’t have both. However….money. But then there is Health. I’m type A. It’s difficult to learn to navigate when options are just not there.
I need to start my own business.
1. My friend is gone. Funeral was beautiful. I don’t know how to do this
2. I can’t stop looking at my new furniture.
3. Been trying to cook everyday so that my stomach and endless other painful muscles subside, it’s been working. Also, Nebraska fall does wonders for my pain level
4. What am I going to do with my life? Ugh.
5. My sleep schedule is beyond fucked up. I give up trying
6. I feel heavy. I wanted to feel lighter.
7. I am wondering how the mister is doing with the transition and although we discuss it a lot, I wonder if he’s OK.
8. I would be a lot happier if I just let stuff go.
I had a good friend pass away tonight and I’m numb. Denial or something. You guys, it’s been a really emotional month and even though I’m still in my “holy shit I’m home” happy mode..that bubble may have just been popped.
God Damn it! I just want to sleep and not roll over and have my stomach flip flop with flooding thoughts of her.
It’s almost 7AM…. I’m just gonna grab some wine, I mean coffee? Maybe both.
I don’t know what I’m doing.