I’m really into house of cards right now. I guess that goes along with everyone else in the whole world. But I notice things on that show. The way Claire takes off her shoes at night when she sits down on the bed is sexy. The way she touches his tie his shoulders his face is sexy. We always talk about how we’ve lost gentleman in society. I think we’ve lost ladies as well. I was never taught that pantyhose and black underwear were sexy. I was never taught that wearing heels was important to men. I was never taught how to appropriately brush the hair away from my neckline so that a man could unzip my dress. Why do I not know these things?
I was never taught that leaving a man wanting more was sexier than just giving it to him all at one time. I was never taught that men treasure the moments that you’re taking off your heels, taking off your earrings or dabbing on your perfume. I was taught that lingerie is meant for special occasions but dressing appropriately in bed every night was not meant for always. A soft pretty nightgown a robe that feels like silk I never knew that those things were important to men’s senses. And most importantly I was never taught how to choose my own battles and still be sexy and strong to my man. Now that I am married I wonder should I do this? should I change this? should I let my man have this because he truly is a gentleman. is this simply a tradition that is no more? Do I continue wearing men’s boxers and T-shirts to bed, shave my legs once every other week and wear flats because they are more comfortable for me or do I give him these things that real gentleman find attractive? Maybe chivalry isn’t dead maybe just maybe it took a long pause for our generation to remember and recall? Or maybe I’m writing about nothing and it takes too much work in this new society we live in because as women we are too tired to do this for our men. we don’t feel like we need to because we are working and raising children and cooking and cleaning.
The only thing I do know about this is that if I can teach my daughter how to balance all of these things I certainly would want to because I believe that if your man is truly a gentleman he deserves this and honestly so do you. Sex and romance and respect play a huge role in making a relationship work. But so does lust and power. We all know that. But if I can demonstrate just a portion of this to the next generation so that their relationships can build and be stronger even for just the simple things… You can bet your bottom dollar I will try.
Maybe I need to buy some dresses with a zipper and learn how to tie his tie….. Just saying. ;)
That’s a bad metaphor for me trying to say I need to get off all of my medications so that the husband and I can procreate. Oh my god.oh my god.oh my God.
I can already feel the 12 months of insomnia in my future. I don’t like it. But I have to. And I want to, don’t get me wrong… But all that glitters is not gold people!
One of the worst things in the world is feeling like I have to censor myself all of the time just to keep other people happy. Maybe that’s why I’ve come back to tumbler. I don’t want to censor myself, I am a good person. People should listen to what I have to say. It’s not a sense of entitlement but rather a sense of conviction that I know how to be a good person. I want to show others how to do that by giving them affirmations to help them, not provide them with negativity. Does that make sense?
1. I think I lost my best friend of 14 years this week over something completely trivial. I guess you don’t really know anyone ever. It’s making my life and my heart a living hell. I feel like puking 24/7.
2. I want to start a health blog. I’m Going back to school for health education and wellness coaching. I am done trying to be someone I’m not. I just want to do something fun like work as a barista or sell cell phones until I’m done with school. Ambition is no longer my main source of validation
3. I think people change for the better I also think people change for the worst. I think this happens daily. You can only count on the people who love you unconditionally. The sad thing about that, is that changes every day as well. My motivation to be giving and understanding to people who do not reciprocate has ceased for the moment.
4. Where in the hell did my sex drive go?
Living here has taught me so much. I struggled every day with the notion of moving back “home” or staying “home”. It’s the emotional equvilant of the civil war except obviously its my own.
I feel like I need to go home to process what I personally want for myself. Return to my roots so I can remember and reminisce about what I wanted to be when I “grew up.” I can honestly say that my adolescence was a much clearer time in my brain. Before I got sick and I was allowed to pursue my true passions with no worry. Writing, singing, music, giving love. No pressure, just joy. No pain, just smiles.
Of course I want to be a wife and a mother. However maybe I have some questions I need answers to before I can be awesome at anything else. I truly want to be an Awesome wife and an even more awesome mother but right now I’m not. I’m being mediocre in the wife department at best.
I want joy and that ease within myself that I’ve lost. Now how do I find it?
I think the reality of my life is that if I would just stop fighting myself and pursue my actual passions, I would know true health and happiness. My soul needs passion and real interest, not a way to make big money and bust my ass until I collapse.
I don’t know why making very little money is so terrifying when feeling permanently empty and stuck should be cause for more concern.
I think I have had this wrong.