I had a good friend pass away tonight and I’m numb. Denial or something. You guys, it’s been a really emotional month and even though I’m still in my “holy shit I’m home” happy mode..that bubble may have just been popped.
God Damn it! I just want to sleep and not roll over and have my stomach flip flop with flooding thoughts of her.
It’s almost 7AM…. I’m just gonna grab some wine, I mean coffee? Maybe both.
I don’t know what I’m doing.
Packing is so fucking tedious. I totally hate it. However I totally purged my clothes this week like a HUGE purge. It feels really good.
I keep wondering is the Mister is excited or nervous about the move.
Our house is SO pretty. I can’t wait!
The awesome thing about moving home is my mother helping me unpack.
I will miss all the awesome places in DC but not the people or traffic.
I honestly can’t wait to live in Omaha again because my people are there and it is so fun because of them. I’m excited for The Mister to enjoy this with me.
I’m not happy with the weight I’ve put on. I look gross.
Yesterday I was in a panic. Today I’m excited. Happy is a feeling I’ve forgotten until today.
The mister has agreed to move back to Nebraska and work remotely. We leave Friday. We have a nice house waiting for us and lots of friends and family. The truth is he’s doing this so I can find my happiness again. I’m not sure if I can ever repay him. Marriage is weird. I do think he will like having a wife that is not constantly depressed but I’m scared he will be, the roles will reverse somehow..
Anyway, I get to go back home and I’m so grateful that my mister gets this.
My dad is in a hospital that is not in Omaha because he was traveling alone. I’m go in there in the morning so I can help him and get him back home. He is going to be OK but this has been very scary for me. It’s like an odd wake up call….
This month has been filled with tragedy for a lot of people and tonight I’m not able to cope. I’d do anything for a deep breath right now.